Our first insemination was in October. I did injections for 2 weeks. I figured, "This has to work. They put the sperm right there. There is nothing wrong with us! It's gotta work!" I don't think that I moved from the couch for 2 days hoping that the rest would help fertilization and attachment. I didn't get pregnant. During the second cycle, I continued my life as normal knowing that the lack of movement the first time didn't make a difference. I got my period on Thanksgiving. So the next day I went to the clinic to start treatment for the third time. When I got home the clinic called and said that my pregnancy test came back positive but the hormone level was very low. So I would have to be monitored closely for the next few weeks. The doctors and nurses kept saying, “Stay positive. You did get pregnant.” So, I stayed positive. I really still felt hopeful and thought good thoughts. Still bleeding, I went for blood work every other day for about 2 weeks. The hormones went up then down. The doctors were concerned I had an ectopic pregnancy. So we waited some more. They hoped that the bleeding meant that I was miscarrying and my body was cleaning itself out. They called it a "chemical pregnancy" where the egg gets fertilized, but it does not attach for whatever reason. Luckily, this was the case.
I waited a full month to begin treatment again. We started again in January. For some reason injecting myself was becoming more painful and difficult. Nothing had changed except that time was passing and my frustration growing. My husband asked more frequently if I was ok. Sometimes I would be and others I would have a rough day. We received a gift from my friend with some healing crystals, a prayer book for mothers and a nice card...I just burst into tears.
We had another insemination at the end of January. And here I am. February 13, 2011 with cramps and bleeding...another failed attempt. I assume I'm not pregnant but I have to admit that I'm a little afraid that I'll go to the clinic tomorrow and they'll tell me I'm pregnant again but not to get my hopes up. They say that some women can bleed through their entire pregnancy and struggle with low hormone levels in the beginning and that often those women have full term pregnancies and healthy babies.
I'm not giving up. WE are not giving up. My husband and I decided a few weeks ago that if we did not get pregnant this time, I will have the laparoscopy instead of another insemination. It will be at the end of February. Maybe that will shed new light or open a new door. We’re still hopeful…
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