The Aftermath Part 3

I’ve been watching Desperate Housewives, eating eggplant parmesan and sleeping on and off for 2 days.  I have minimal pain now.  I’ve been taking the Motrin 600 and it’s been doing the trick.  The scars just pretty much hurt with some soreness in my abdomen.   I stopped bleeding from the DNC a few hours after the surgery.  So I think I’m officially in the clear.  No sex, tampons, baths or lifting for 2 weeks.  I have 2 more appointments over the next few weeks; one to get the stitches out and one for the results. 

I have 3 scars; the biggest one is inside my belly button, it’s so deep I can’t see the end, which is pretty gross but I try not to think about it.  There is one the right side of my pelvis about ¼ inch long, and one on the left side of my pelvis about 1 inch long.  They are starting to feel tight now.  I use iodine to keep them clean.  All I can do is heal and relax for the rest of this vacation, which is exactly what I plan to do! 

My husband has been a saint.  He’s definitely seen me at my worst…numerous times.  But the medical stuff is definitely hard for him.  He freaked when I decided to have the surgery because he thought I would be awake like I was for the fertility tests. He knew how unpleasant it was and how freaked out I was afterwards.  This time he looked at my scars no problem and actually thought they looked good.  He stayed with me while I showered, held the bag when I thought I was going to puke and served me my meals in bed.  I know that it’s his job as my husband and I’d do the same for him but it still makes me love him more with every kind gesture.

The Aftermath Part 2

When I went into this surgery I expected he doctors to tell me I had endometriosis because the doctor's said that it’s the only logical explanation that could cause the scar tissue they were seeing. After we have our baby, I would go on birth control and that would manage it from growing. When I left yesterday, there was no endometriosis. Just scar tissue...everywhere. It was connecting from my colon to my fallopian tube to my uterus. My husband saw pictures when I was in recovery he said it looked crazy. They had before and after pictures.  I had a makeover! I'll see them at my post-op appointment.

I had an infection 2 summers ago that caused massive pain and confusion. I'm still not sure what the cause was but it went on for 2 weeks and I was on different antibiotics hat weren't helping. Finally the emergency room doctors gave me Cypro and Flagyl which pretty much kills everything. The CAT scan showed an infection in my "lower left quadrant." I had a colonoscopy months later and they aren't sure that it was my colon either. That experience was a nightmare. Lots of scar tissue...huh.

The Aftermath Part 1

My surgery today was a success. Yes its 1am and I'm awake but the anesthesia is finally wearing off and I can stand up without wanting to barf...well maybe still a little. I've been sleeping on and off since around 5 in the afternoon.

So far the worst part of surgery was waiting for 4 hours in the surgical office before, coming out of the anesthesia and the car ride. I didn't think the anesthesia would make me so sick and I didn't think I would make it home without puking.

I was given a tip by the nurse (after the fact of course) that if you suffer from motion sickness and have to have surgery you should tell the anesthesiologist because they can add stuff to the medication during surgery so you don't get nauseous afterward...if you don't tell them no amount of anti-nausea meds will help you they just send you home with some crackers, ginger ale, a barf tray and a prayer that you make it.

Oh, but first you have to survive the wheelchair ride from hell.
I'm not the biggest puker in the world, but if you are...beware! My question is, "Wouldn't it be nice for the doctors to ask you that simple question beforehand?" They ask you every other question known to man! This one simple question would be so worth asking.

A Sterile Environment

When we make love with our spouses, there is verbal and non verbal communication. Eye contact, touching, kissing, talking... true intimacy. Most of the time anyway. Some prefer a quickie; others prefer a two hour extravaganza. Whatever our preferences, we have a 22 hour window and 25% chance of conceiving a child every month. The average woman does not think "Am I ovulating?", "Will this be the time I get pregnant?" We just enjoy the moment.

Maybe that's why some couples get pregnant so easily or even accidently. Maybe they aren't quite ready to be parents; the newlyweds who are too excited to use birth control, the young single girl who is experiencing her first love and sexual awakening or the couple on vacation who gets a surprise when they return home. These babies are usually conceived in pleasure and love.

When you’re in fertility treatment this not the case. Forty-eight hours before the IUI procedure, we abstain from the one thing that will send endorphins throughout our bodies and give our moods a lift. Sperm lives inside the body for approximately 48-76 hours so my husband and I usually have sex 48 hours before IUI because if we get pregnant we won't really know if it was our lovemaking or the IUI. That's one of our ways of coping.

The IUI experience is...strange to say the least...sterile. I like the word "sterile", to describe people, places and feelings with regard to fertility treatment because that's only word that hits the nail on the head. Most doctors hardly listen, don't ask how you’re feeling and are in and out of the room once they perform their part of the procedure.

We are part of some bizarre sweatshop scenario. We show up with a "specimen", the lab "treats" the sperm. (Fun Fact: during sex, our vaginas clean the sperm before it enters our uterus!). So for IUI, the sperm is chemically treated since its being put right into the uterus.

So, I lay on the table with my legs in the stirrups, waiting for the lab to put the finishing touches on our baby batter. Me and my husband are talking about whatever, deciding what we want to eat afterwards, playing with our cell phones, figuring out what we want to do for the rest of the day...waiting.

The nurse comes in with a test tube and tells me to hold tightly in my hand. When I look, it's a pretty pink elixir that is supposed to get me pregnant. It looks like a sweet test tube dollar shot. For a second I want to drink it. But that would be silly...

While I'm warming our potion in my sweaty palm, the nurse is opening plastic wrappers and clanging medical instruments and the doctor is preparing my "vagg". Speculum...saline to clean the uterus...gauze to soak up the saline...the nurse reaches for the test tube...a thin catheter is inserted...I feel a tiny deep pinch...done...they remove the instruments and close my legs.

Now we have to wait 5 or 10 minutes until I can get up. Obviously the experience isn't romantic or sensual or even loving...sterile.

Although, I have to say that my wonderful husband strokes by hair while I deep breathe to get through the discomfort. When the procedure is over, we sit and stare at each other. We hold hands. He kisses me. He rests his head on my chest.

Its strange how something so personal becomes so clinical and how a private event that takes 2 people turns into a party...minus the cocktails.

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Conspiracy Theory

A woman at the clinic once said to me, "Ya know, this is a conspiracy! We grow up drinking milk and eating meat with all these hormones in it. No wonder millions of women can't get pregnant! It's an epidemic! Then these doctors want to shoot us up with more hormones! We have to pay thousands for them and suffer the side-effects just to get fibroids that have to be surgically removed anyway! And still NO BABY! Bastards!" That was at 6:30 am...but I'm not allowed to take drugs, right?

Doctors always want you to come back for a "consultation." Or what I like to call "milking the cash cow." I know the consultation is their way of explaining a procedure and to cover themselves so that you know that they are doing actual surgery. I knew this surgery was plan B from the beginning. We decided to do a number of IUI's and if they didn't work the doctor would dig deeper. So it's always been on the table...like a back up right?

The truth is when you have insurance (thank God for it) no doctor is going to make much money from you. When I looked at the actual bill for all the procedures I've had and then saw the amount that the insurance actually pays it's kind of pathetic. It's literally a fraction of the actual costs.
My clinic wants me to come back on the day I'm due for my period (if I dont get it by then) just to take a pegnancy test ($30) later. In the past I just waited until the third day of my cycle because that's the day I start treatment again. But not today.

When I spoke to the doctor last week he wanted me to come in on the scheduled pregnancy test day because if I got my period we would discuss and schedule the surgery. Trickery! When I get there, the nurse takes my blood and tells me to make an appointment for the consultation for the surgery and an appointment for the surgery. Meanwhile the doctor is at his desk across the hall. "They don't do consultations in the morning." So I have to go back. $30 for today, $30 for the consutation, and $30 for the surgery. Hence...cash cow. Imagine if we didn't have fantastic insurance?

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Surgically Devoted

A woman at the clinic once said to me, "Ya know, this is a conspiracy! We grow up drinking milk and eating meat with all these hormones in it. No wonder millions of women can't get pregnant! It's an epidemic! Then these doctors want to shoot us up with more hormones! We have to pay thousands for them and suffer the side-effects just to get fibroids that have to be surgically removed anyway! And still NO BABY! Bastards!" That was at 6:30 am...but I'm not allowed to take drugs, right?

Doctors always want you to come back for a "consultation." Or what I like to call "milking the cash cow." I know the consultation is their way of explaining a procedure and to cover themselves so that you know that they are doing actual surgery. I knew this surgery was plan B from the beginning. We decided to do a number of IUI's and if they didn't work the doctor would dig deeper. So it's always been on the table...like a back up right?

The truth is when you have insurance (thank God for it) no doctor is going to make much money from you. When I looked at the actual bill for all the procedures I've had and then saw the amount that the insurance actually pays it's kind of pathetic. It's literally a fraction of the actual costs.
My clinic wants me to come back on the day I'm due for my period (if I don’t get it by then) just to take a pregnancy test ($30) later. In the past I just waited until the third day of my cycle because that's the day I start treatment again. But not today.

When I spoke to the doctor last week he wanted me to come in on the scheduled pregnancy test day because if I got my period we would discuss and schedule the surgery. Trickery! When I get there, the nurse takes my blood and tells me to make an appointment for the consultation for the surgery and an appointment for the surgery. Meanwhile the doctor is at his desk across the hall. "They don't do consultations in the morning." So I have to go back. $30 for today, $30 for the consultation, and $30 for the surgery. Hence...cash cow. Imagine if we didn't have fantastic insurance?

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Time Flies When Your Having Fun

I've noticed that since I've been in treatment. Time flies AND stands still. I feel like we've been doing this forever but when I think about we've only been doing this since July. Sometimes the days blend together. Other days never end but time just keeps on passing. I can't believe its February. My sister is having her baby in about 2 months. The school year is more than half way over. The holidays were a wash. I turned 34. Its 55 degrees today. That's almost spring! I told my husband how I feel about the weird time thing; that we didn't really have holidays, and then he wished me a happy Valentine's Day. I totally forgot. He just hugged me. I never really liked Valentine's Day anyway. But that's beside the point. My good friends were talking about going on vacation, planning for next year..."Let's save money in a vacation account and go someplace nice. Just us girls." That's the best idea I've heard in a long time. Thinking that far ahead is nearly impossible? I don't know where I'll be! Maybe I'll be a mom... It's hard to plan or commit to anything because of the timing, when will I ovulate, will that weekend be the one that I'll need to be inseminated? Will I have to go to the doctor during treatment?  I don’t know what is going on in the world.  I don’t keep up with current events.  I don’t know who is winning on American idol (can’t stand that show but people keep asking me about it!).   I’m lucky I know the date.  So I plan to make no plans. I'm content with my books, house projects, my wonderful husband, my 3 doggies and Netflix streaming (thank God for that).